Full time vs Part Time

“Are you doing this full time?”

“Why did you quit your engineering job?”

“How’s freelancing life working out for you?”

I swear if I get a penny every time someone asks me any of those questions above, I’d be so rich by now. I get it, the thought of living off photographing people is scary and trust me, even I can’t get the grasp the fact that I’ve been doing this for about 9 months now and it’s been real you guys. I am living my life, waking up whenever I want (lol this is a big thing because I love love love to sleep) but I can still get my work done in time, working from the comfort of my pyjamas at home (literally my dining table is my office), I get to go places I didn’t get to go before due to time limitation at work, basically I have more time for myself than I’ve ever had in the longest time.

But as tempting as it sounds, please know that I am not encouraging anyone to just drop your resignation letter the next time you walk into your office because this is not for everyone and it takes so much thinking and effort to sustain because you’re literally living off your OWN work. If you just lazying around, hoping to get another booking from your clients to pay off your next bills, I suggest you reevaluate your decision. The main reason I quit my day job was because I could not stand a toxic working environment and I saw a little to no room for growth which for me is a big deal for my career development, plus a little bit of drama where people messing with my peace there which end up being a “catalyst” for me to submit my resignation letter. I was at a point where I just know I had to leave that place. The work was fine but I need more challenges and more work basically. If you don’t know me, I get stressed out if I have no work to do and that was basically my life for the past year. I was holding on to get through a year there but for some reason I managed to stay put for another 4 months before that drama happened and I used my leftover annual leave to get out of there as soon as I could. And if anyone ever to ask, did I regret my decision, NOT AT ALL, it was probably one of the best decision I’ve ever made in my whole existence! I am so much happier now, and the most importantly, I am at a better mental state than I was before. It was depressing being away from everyone where none of the people there understand your values and upbringing. I swear I looked forward to every weekends because I had to get away from that place and another job that could feed off another part of me. It was exhausting but if I did not do it, I think a part of me would just die to waste. Okay I may sound a little dramatic over there but it was dreading me out.

It was a decision that I never asked anyone around me to help me decide because I know exactly what I want. To put some more perspective to it, I even had to call my friend to help me decide what scarf to wear the next day, small little things like that. I guess it’s meant for me. I often tell my friends, “We’re where we’re supposed to be”. But actually, when I quit that job, I wasn’t fully decided on being a full time photographer. I know I could live off that for the some times while I apply for another job, which I did for a little time but after a few failed interviews and occasional heartbreaks, and photography just got crazier, I really had no time to think about that anymore. When I was working 2 jobs at one time, I always thought I would have so much free time on my hand but boy I was wrong. Sometimes I only have 1 off day from that entire week because editing takes longer than usual. I am the kind of person who would pressure herself to deadlines, well basically creating her own, because I hate waiting and I hate the fact that people have to wait for me. So, I would do my best to finish my editing from that previous weekend in a day or two, hence the “No Disturb Monday”. Sometimes the pressure got too overwhelming but whenever I got the feedback from my client saying “how did you do this so fast? Even I haven’t gotten enough rest from the event and the photos are all ready?” and all that of similar meaning, it will motivate me to continue the work. I am so blessed to be such a light worker like I could literally work anywhere, as long as there wasn’t anyone hovering behind my back. It also made me a little proud when some of my friends whom when I first met, have been such a slacker and would put everything off until the very last minute and procrastinate but now whenever I ask, they say they’re doing work. I guess that is also one of the reasons why I am not made to work under someone because I have my own timeline for something which not everyone can follow that. I may look like I have way too much fun with my life (NOT) but when it comes to work, I am very serious about it, sometimes too serious that I scare people off.

I know at this point a lot of people would probably say, “You study all the way to the US only to come back and become a photographer. What a waste”. I even heard my family said that behind my back and that hurts me a little. I know all of you who said that means well for me but like I said, we’re where we’re supposed to be. I don’t want to be having a 8-6 job but still wont have even one nice thing to say about it. Now, even if I have to do work until 2am, I would still wake up the next day, feeling very pumped to continue doing work because I lobe my job so much and very much looking forward to another shoot because of the work that comes after that. I really don’t want to mention this but I make a lot more than I did if I were to just work off my day job. Engineering sounds fancier than what it actually is, even in your paycheck. Asian parents would literally kill me for saying that!

When I started out as a freelancer, my schedule wasn’t looking so well but you know what, I was so calm and faithful that it will get better over time and it did to my surprise. Even I can’t believe that I literally work for everything that I have right now, and for that I am very thankful. Now I understand the meaning of creating your own job because that’s basically me at this point. I get to explore so much other things and learn so much too. It is so surreal that I get paid for doing something I really love and I also understand the meaning of “Do what you love, and you’ll never work another day in your life”. Well, that line is true only to a certain degree because I still feel like I’m working even when I love doing it haha especially on wedding day when it gets so exhausting and sucking all the energy out of you. But I get the big picture and couldn’t agree more.

I guess my advise to all of you who thought of being a freelancer is to never take the time for granted. Obviously when you are not obligated to a punch time, you have more time to yourself but that doesn’t mean you can procrastinate because your logic says you still have a lot of times, and the next thing you know, your clients are haunting for you. Discipline is such an important thing to have in order for you to sustain and you can nurture that by having a goal and from there, you will come up with a timeline and whether you like it or not, you have to follow that timeline, or else you might find yourself scraping for coins to pay off your next meal. You also have to work really really hard and always reflect on yourself for what you can do to improve. I think procrastination (here we go again) has got to be your biggest enemy because it’s the main thing that would disrupt your plan because at one point, you will feel like you’re out of your breathe trying to catch all the deadlines and for that obviously, you wont even have time to think or reflect, let alone to add any improvement to your values. Effort doesn’t betray you so work really hard and have faith that it will all fall into place. Good luck!